What Is Character? We have identified five essential character qualities (ECQs) that you need in a mate. You will find these to be extremely obvious and yet so often overlooked. These are the non-negotiables.
Faithful - A faithful person is loyal and can demonstrate an allegiance to others. As you observe this person in his social relationships or business practices, does he pass the test of loyalty? Is this someone who keeps her promises? Have there been past incidences of infidelity or disloyalty in former relationships?
Honest - An honest person is genuine, and free of deception. This quality of honesty encompasses three aspects: words, actions, and personhood. First, it has to do with his word. Can you trust him to tell you the truth? Does he mean what he says? Is he prone to lies or deception (even "white" lies) or rationalizations? Second, honesty involves actions and behavior. Does he conduct daily behavior in an upright manner? Do others consider him to be credible, reputable, and respectable? Finally does he have the capacity to be real, genuine, and transparent? Are you able to discern his inner qualities over a period of time, or does this person have so many layers of defenses and disguises that you cannot penetrate?
Committed - The idea here is to find someone who can demonstrate a lifestyle of commitment, not someone who just verbalizes his commitment. Anybody can say, "Yes, I'm committed to you." But do they have what it takes to be committed to the relationship for the long haul even in hard times? True love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person under the unpredictable circumstances of life.
Forgiving - Forgiveness is simply releasing a person from the debt you perceive they owe you. It is about letting go of the need to punish, resent, or hold grudges when you have been wronged. Make sure they know the ten magic words: "I am sorry, I was wrong, will you forgive me?" What kind of person are you dating? Is he quick to condemn and slow to release others off the hook? Does he hold grudges or resentment? How does he resolve conflicts? Do you see an eagerness to compromise, let go, and move forward? Is there evidence of a forgiving spirit? A successful relationship between two imperfect people must be bathed in an atmosphere of daily, mutual forgiveness.
Giving - This quality is not about giving material gifts but, rather, the capacity for selfless behavior. Giving means putting others first. A giver gets outside of himself and gives to you rather than always seeking to get from you. Such a person has the capacity to be "other-centered." He can demonstrate sensitivity to your needs and the ability to meet those needs. Most importantly, a giver desires to see you grow and to love you in a way that promotes wholeness. When the romantic love fades (which indeed it will), a relationship can be sustained only by a deeper kind of love, the kind that seeks to see you grow.
- Excerpt from The One: A Practical Guide to Choosing Your Soul Mate by Ben Young and Sam Adams, PhD